Emotional Security

All right. I just want to take Jason from last week.

Hi, Jon. Jason here.

Hey Jason, how are you?

Pretty good. Thanks for taking my call. I’m very grateful to you.

You’re welcome. Also Gazz, are you still on? I’d like you to stay on if you are.

Yeah, not to worry, I’ll be here.

Okay, great. Stay on.

You want me to just briefly — okay, I reread your book again and I was listening to the CD, and the passage that really spoke to me in your book is page 34, hiding from the world. And I think that’s sort of — my overweight obese issues are probably more than just one page, but I think that page really hits the nail on the head because I’m a very trusting, open person, almost to the point of being gullible, and there’s been at least two major times in my life and at least two minor times where I really put my entire life and emotions out on the line and really wanted to create deep, meaningful connections with other people, and it just turns out that, I don’t know, I attract the wrong kind of people. I attract toxic people into my life and they see how gullible I am, and then they go, “Oh wow, Jason doesn’t really know what’s going on, we can just take advantage of him and manipulate him and control him for our own benefit,” and then I end up feeling really like I got stabbed in the back. And that’s happened a couple of really big, major times and a couple of minor times.

So when those things kind of happen I kind of get very cynical and I’m thinking, “Well the world is not a safe place to live. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, it’s every man for himself and no one’s going to help you,” and that turns on my FAT programs that the world is not a safe place to live, and I sort of retreat back into my fat and hide from the world because I don’t think the world is a safe place. And I used to be a really trusting person. and now I have a hard time trusting other people, and so anyway that’s where I’m at for tonight.

Well, Jason, I’m overwhelmed really at your analysis because I think you’re just so exactly spot on as to what’s happening in your life. The hiding from the world is what we do when we feel the world is unsafe. So if we have a general feeling that the world is unsafe, it’s not a safe place, our body is going to try to protect us. And one of the ways it does it is by creating a wall of fat around the world to keep the world at bay. And so that, to me, sounds like exactly what’s happening in your life. And I’m just wondering, before I say anything, Gazz — I’m just wondering, Gazz, if you have any thoughts on this as you’re listening? Gazz, are you there?

I had a question — no, I’m here Jon. I had a question that popped up for me as I was listening, and one of the questions is, what is it that you get out of when you retract from the world and when you hide from the world? What is it that you get out of it? What do you gain from it?

Just solitude. I spend quite a bit of time just by myself just reading, writing in my journal, listening to music or something, and I don’t have a problem. It’s like I don’t have a problem spending time by myself. I enjoy time by myself because then I know I’m safe because I’m not being influenced by toxic people. And it was interesting, I went to a counselor once and she said, "Well Jason you know what your problem is, you give your power away to other people."

That’s just what I was thinking.

So I think part of my problem is I try — I don’t know, I give away my power, and so I think part of what I’m trying to do now is to — a cocoon phase where I’m trying to gain my own power rather than giving it away to other people..

Okay. So what I’m feeling is that you really need to access and understand where the source of your power is and where safety really comes from, and to basically have just an inherent feeling of safety in your body and to understand that if you feel safe and if you feel like your power is within you rather than giving it to somebody else, you’re probably going to be less likely to attract situations to you and people to you that take advantage of you. Because it’s almost like those people that are taking advantage of you are really there to affirm this feeling that you can’t trust people and that the world is unsafe. So you have this inherent belief that the world is unsafe and that people can’t be trusted, and so you attract people to you that will help you realize that belief.

So what if you took an alternative approach where, maybe in a visualization session, when you got into that SMAT Mode that I talk about, and you just imagined every cell of your body, at the same time, saying I am safe, life is safe, and also I forgive because you have to let go of the people that took advantage of you and realize that it’s possible that the people that took advantage of you came into your life because of this belief that you have that people can’t be trusted and the world is unsafe. So you really can’t blame them for taking advantage of you or for making you feel unsafe if you started out with this inherent belief. Does that make sense?

I can sort of understand what you’re saying but I will — you know, I totally understand what you’re saying, but I will say now that my experience is very deep rooted in my emotions and I understand what you’re saying and I truly believe that forgiveness is a key component in my recovery and healing, but I also know that it’s also like putting your hand on the stove and getting burned and once you get burned bad on the stove, you’re not going to stick your hand out again anymore. It’s that kind of an emotional reaction where it’s like wow I got burned, oh, better not put my hand out again.

Okay. We’re talking about two different things. Maybe you’ll put your hand out again, maybe you won’t, but really what I’m talking about is feeling safe. As far as from a weight loss perspective, feeling safe is the most important thing and at the moment you don’t. And by just instilling that belief inside you through this visualization that I’m suggesting and also through listening to the CD, you will start to feel safer. And when I ask you to forgive the people in your life, it’s really because that forgiveness is going to benefit you. That forgiveness is going to let you move on. It’s not because they deserve forgiveness, it’s not about them, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, never about them.

So I’m asking you to realize that even if you did get burned, that it’s possible that maybe, as you said, you attracted these people into your life because you had this kind of inherent belief that the world is unsafe and you needed to experience that belief. So it’s possible you brought them in.

So if that’s the case, what I’m asking you to do is realize that and just let them go. Whether they’re good or bad, whether they deserve it or not, let them go and practice this visualization every day of just feeling safe. Just imagine every cell of your body at the same time saying life is safe, I am safe, just over and over, every cell of your body saying that in a visualization session. Practice that for a couple of weeks and also imagine every cell of your body saying I forgive and practice that every day.

Okay.

Do that for a couple of weeks and listen to the CD at least twice a day, okay, and let’s see where we go with that.

Okay.

All right, good. I think we have time for one more caller and —

Thanks, Jon.

Okay. Thanks, Jason. Take care.